I always wanted my life to look like a movie. I tried hard to make it seems like Notting Hill, but for a weird reason it always turned up to be way more similar to Fatal Attraction. I had been a stalker, before Facebook. Nowadays, of course, is super simple to follow someone. You can look at their pictures and you could catch a very nice obsession. Facebook it’s a wonderful place where you can unleash your inner perv and all your horrible curiosities in a more or less anonymous way. I can’t think about anything better that watching the pictures of the holydays to “Mar chiquita” of the aunty of the new girlfriend of your ex.
I have to confess that I have had some very dark thoughts, not only the classic: do I jump or not? Like in a quite sad new year’s eve on my balcony. I’m talking about situations way more crazy like being in a post coital situation, he goes to the bathroom and I thought, for real, to steal the used condom so I could be “accidentally” pregnant. Yep, that was me. Or that’s me. I’m not too sure about it anymore. The only thing I can say is that now I’m in a couple and things are way calmer than what it used to be. Also, because being an overly attached girlfriend is easier and less creepy if your boyfriend thinks you are kind of cute.
The thing is that I wanted to be in love. In a crazy way. I was preferring a non-violent love, educated, passionate but sensitive and with a humor similar to mine. But with my experience with men (a couple of months ago I celebrate 10 years of fucking, so cheers to me! Mazel tov) the chance of having a, more or less, sane dating life was pretty much impossible.
After a relationship where alcohol, cheating, flying over my head glasses were an every week-end thing, 2 years of depression, a tiny little obsession with a younger guy and other very regretful situations, things were not just ready for finding Mr. Right.
I wanted 1999 Heath Ledger, like in “10 things I hate about you”. I wanted a bad boy but the marshmallow type, the type that inside is a sweetheart. A guy who is not afraid of playing fool in public but who let me shine in peace, a guy who is hot.
But let’s remember a couple of things:
1. Heath is dead. He died of an O.D. That’s exactly what the doctor said not to.
2. You are not 16 anymore
3. You are not as hot as Heath. Not even a dead Heath
Obviously Heath didn’t appear and I had to conform with other frogs, way less interesting. Maybe equally drug addicts, yes, but definitely without the “Can’t take my eyes off you” song from the bleachers.
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