I’m sure that if you ask my mom, she will tell you that I was the bad influence among my friends. I have to be honest; I was always a precocious girl, that was flowing on my veins. But that didn’t make me exactly a bad girl. At least I think. Also my mom thought for a couple of months that I was a drug addict. My relationship with drugs came on an early age, and yes, I guess that now with the distance, that habit of doing recreational drugs doesn’t seem so nice. Anyway, I was convinced that the drugs were not gonna win me. Especially because since an early age I knew that the only thing I was addicted to was people. Nowadays, trying to quit smoking, I put in question all of my theories but at that time I was fervently sure that I was not an addict so I could use whatever I wanted without being hooked. The truth is that I was not even doing drugs that much. Ok, maybe having a couple of pills every now and then at 16 was a lot, but believe me, it was not. I had friends that took an ecstasy pill per hour, plus popper, plus who know what synthetic shit, plus maybe a little bit of Ketamine and alcohol. So I was a saint compared to them. But of course my mom didn’t know about those things and was probably better that way. I guess I was doing drugs so I would look cool. For me, the look “heroine chic” was great and I always had this image of me in my head.
I don’t think it was so bad doing drugs once every 3 months; the real problem was the type of guys that I was attracted to. I liked the drug addict type; the “I have tons of daddy issues” type. That was gooood, especially for my shrink. Once I had a talk about coke with a coke friend and he told me that everyone who was doing coke it was because they had a dead corps hidden in the closet, and they do it to forget about those ghosts. I loved that concept so much and I started getting why I was so attracted to drug addicts. Let’s be real, everyone has a dead one in the closet, but sometimes it can be the corps of a frog, a forgotten rat or a mashed cockroach, sometimes is an entire burn family, or a couple of mutilated girls that where missing. I was never able to find out how big were my dead people in my closet but I enjoyed very much trying to find out about other people. So we can say that if I was doing drugs it was because I liked the idea that the other one was a drug addict, or something like that. The relationship between parents and teenager are usually complicated and mine was no exception. The story was like that: my mom was a pain in the ass, she asked me too many questions so I lied, my mom knew I was not telling the truth so she asked for it and when I finally said the truth my mom didn’t know what to do with it. Every time that I tell this story I have that scene of “A few good men” in my head, with jack Nicholson, Tom Cruise and Demi Moore.
So, after many days of asking me about smoking pot, cigarettes or if I was injecting myself I don’t know what I told the truth. My parents are used to call any drugs “THE DRUG” (falopa in Spanish), so when I was a kid the concept of The Drug was complicated because I thought it was something that you could drink and be high as a kite, like a tea or peyote, or an aspirine, and that there was only one type of drug: The Drug. It has been 10 years from that so I have the feeling that between me, my brothers and a couple of other “smokers”, my family got more used to say it with their proper names. Because is not the same doing coke than pot, or heroine than ecstasy. The problem at that time was that I was 17 and I thought that playing cool with my parents and telling them what I was doing was the smartest move. I knew I didn’t have a problem with drugs, so what was the problem? In Spanish there is a say: el pez por la boca muere. Something like: the fish dies from the mouth. And that was the first time that I got what it meant. Sadly for me, the conjuncture was not on my behalf, not even a little. The thing was that, and I didn’t know, a very close friend from my family was in rehab for being a big notorious cokehead. So my mother, specially, started to be paranoid about me following his steps. School was not great and also I was dating a 14 years older than me guy. So the cocktail was kind of ideal for them to send me to rehab. So she did it. But before, she broke in front of me a priceless ticket for an electronic party (that had been given as a present for my b-day). I cried and I screamed like a 4-year-old girl. The worst for me was that I was really ashamed; I could see myself in rehab having this conversation: A guy stands up and says that he went to the slums to buy some crack and that he got raped.
– Hi, my name is Mica, I smoke a joint once a month and I had 3 pills in my life.
I could picture every story of my imaginary group in rehab. I think that at that time in Argentina we didn’t have crack just yet, but whatever, you get the story. And also is quite obvious that I watched too many movies and TV shows about the topic (Celebrity rehab with Dr. Drew is one of the most important thing in life). An other thing I was scared of was being recognized. Not that I’m not famous, but I had already been in that rehab center. I had been to a couple of meeting for the “drug addict friends”. Yep, it is a thing, and that was not the last time I went. After a while I thought about it a little bit better. If I would complain too much, my mom would think that I actually had a real problem. So it was kind of easier to just deal with a shitty meeting with a shrink. I knew I was not a drug addict, and I knew that drugs were not a problem in my life. But what if? I was scared. Thankfully the place was ambulatory, so in the worst case scenario I had enough time to go back home grab a bag and leave forever. Maybe doing a career in prostitution or another lucrative market. I went with my mom to this place. I remember that we were in non-talking terms at that time, so it was awkward. They made me enter an office where the shrink was waiting for me. The guy was the first filter for knowing if I needed rehab or not. The conversation was like that:
– Do you do drugs?
– No
– So. Why are you here?
– Because my mom thinks so
– Is she right?
– A little
– How much is a little?
– I took 6 pills of ecstasies in my whole life, I don’t buy pot, I don’t know any dealers, and let’s say that I smoke a quarter of weed every 2 moths. Ah, and once I licked a finger with coke.
– Ok, so you are not an addict
– No, that’s what I’m saying
– Are you going to the psychologist?
– Yes
– Ok, keep on going
After that there was a list of recommendations for me not to fall in the dangerous hands of drugs, but I was already happy because I achieved what I wanted, so I didn’t pay too much attention. Of course my mom didn’t stop bothering me with drug related stuff after I was in my mid 20’s, but I already knew my lesson. I was not supposed to tell too much the truth. The idea was: not lying to her, but maybe drawing a reality that was not completely true either. Isn’t that what every parent wants? They want to hear what they want. I would love if someone does that for me. Later in my life, the drug addict vibe seemed not so interesting as it used to be. After a bad trip and the comprehension that even an aspirin was blurring my mind, I ended up being quite abstemious. Of course, the fact that I was not doing drugs didn’t mean that I was not attracted to men who still wanted to do that.
I would like to share 5 amazing movies about drugs. I don’t want to incite anybody to do anything, but here are nice examples of what happens if you do:
5. LONDON, a movie of 2005 with a non-bold Jason Statham, a very high Chris Evans and a beautiful Jessica Biel. Everyone very coked up
4. BACHELORETTE, 2012 with Kirsten Dunst, Isla Fisher and Lizzy Caplan. It came out a year after that “Bridesmaids” and everyone thought that it was the same. But no. Not at all. Way more honest, way rawer, way more drugs, way more party and not so funny. There is a before and after for Kirsten.
3. A SCANNER DARKLY. Directed by the marvelous Richard Linklater, with Keanu Reeves, Robert Downey Jr (the king of coke), and Winona Ryder. It tells the story of a group of cops experimenting with a new kind of drug. Very paranoid effects
2. AMERICAN PSYCHO, 2000 with Christian Bale, way better than batman. Disgusting yuppie, doing coke, Xanax, pot and ecstasy, life can’t get any better until he discovers a new passion… killing.
1. TRAINSPOTTING, the 1996 Danny Boyle´s master piece. There is no top five about drugs without this movie. Now we know the junkie world, and what happens when you get too close.
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